A Dai： How are you being
As a girl left you alone silently . I don‘t know whether I can use the nickname—A Dai
Now， lying in bed with Lulu in my arm， I find the truth that you are always in my mind. It‘s you who waited for me two hours in cold freezing weather and it’s you who lying in my arm， smiling sweetly like a child. A gentle and fragile boy， desire was revealed your expression， which made me moved. There are some differences between you and other， at least I think.
During that night， my imagination came true， just that night I found I need you， I love you .
Now ， I love you as before.
And Lulu， she is your impression. Your little girl just like her father. Dear you， I‘ve been used to a single-parent mam. The baby would be taken good care of forever， you should look after yourself well.
I am so sorry to be away from you， I‘ve no idea but lay the love deep in my heart because I can not even say a word when seeing you. You are a kind-heart boy for you sympathize with me. Although you don’t love me， you touch me， you treasure me. That is enough . All is clear (You paid yourself for) after I saw your purity that night.
I hadn‘t suffered too much for long . No matter how you.
Staying with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am glad and happy. The truth we have to face is that living together for a time is happy ， but happiness will not last forever. You can‘t waste your life to make me happy. Life is so cruel that it told me that you don’t belong to me all the time throughout my life. A daughter for you is the biggest satisfaction in my life. I think I should say “Thank you”。
From now on ， I will not get in touch with you. Please grasp firmly the things which your own， find a girl who love you and you loved. Wish you a real happiness in the future. Invoke blessing to you forever. My love， I love you.
It‘s no need for you trying to find me. Or even if you find me， what will happen? I’ve already made up my mind. Also， what do I tell Lulu to call you， father or brother? If we meet by chance in another life， I would promise that I marry you.
Fare well， my love.
Fare well， A dai.
Believe in future!
现在再读这封信，没有以前的那股心潮起伏，只是思牵肚念，身边没有什么了，空落落的。一种失落感仿佛在讲诉我一个人活在不夜的城，孤零零地，有点“凄凄，惨惨，戚戚。”我责怪自己当初为何不把信好好地收藏，现在只剩这英文的译稿，想起皓子刚翻完时，曾拿着与原信给一位对英史颇有研究的老师看，得到的评价是：虽有不少错误，话也并不很地道，但是感情却饱含。对此，我很感激皓子，我从不想把它译成汉文，怕的是没了那番滋味。
也许大姐大的劝说是对的，如果我不记叙下来，谁知道哪天便会真的忘记了。记忆就是这样：我们把事件存储于记忆，好像一张图画;长时间后再来找时，一些细微笔墨看不大清了，我们就会为它添上一笔。久而久之，脑子里想的，嘴里说的已不是原来的事了。
我总在看三本书。我的意思是说，即使我已经看过了而且还将要看不少的书，但我老是翻来覆去地看其中的三本。它们是海明威的《老人与海》、钱钟书的《围城》以及德国人施林克写的《生死朗读》。三本书都算不上很长，而且也不太深奥，所以我不会在看第一遍时就失去兴趣而中途放弃阅读。其实就算它们很长，我想我也会读完的。前两本书都是买了即开始看的，但第三本却不是。它是我是在书市上发现的。与那里翻印得版本很多的古典小说或哪儿都卖的所谓畅销书不同，我看见它的时候，它就是静静地躺在那儿。那本书小而薄，很精致。携带起来也很方便。我甚至没看前言和后记就把它买下来，尽管那书几乎没被打折。回到家，我就迫不及待地翻看，甚至没搭理我以三折价买下来的倾心已久的中华书局版《金瓶梅》。我只看了两分钟，就把那本薄书扔到了一边，就因为看了前言。想想我们(爱寻求过程的那些人)最讨厌的就是看已经知道结局的故事。实在搞不懂在前言里就交待故事梗概的做法是何居心，总之，我把它扔在书架下。
阅读《生死朗读》是在买它的半年以后了，我那会儿因穷极无聊才把它从“冷宫”请出来。我没想到自己一口气看完了全书。后来，我更是经常把那本装在包里，闲了就翻翻，随手地翻看。每一次读都有不大相同的感受。我也会把自己的故事和书里的情节作比较。
我不像书中的男主人公，但白雲却有史密芝。汉娜(书中的女主角)的影子。我并不是说她们性格相同或是从事着同样的工作或别的什么。她们一样的是对男主人公的感情。但就是在一点上，她们的表达方式又是那么的不同。也许她们还有一点是相似的，那就是书中的汉娜比白格(男主角)大了二十岁，而白雲也比我大，只不过没大那么多，只有六岁。可是朋友说过，五岁的差距就可以产生代沟的。
我不停地体会书中的故事，一会儿想想我就是白格，一会儿又觉得我们的性格完全不同。但每当我看到白格和汉娜在一起的时候，我总觉得有什么东西在我肚子里刮着，用力地刮着，仿佛是饥饿的感觉。每一次看到结局，我背上和两臂的汗毛孔就会乍开，要一会儿才能复原。我也总是把我们的相识和分离和书中作着比较，我和白雲的分手与书里的不同，至少没那么不幸。可是从不同的角度上看来，哪一对更不幸呢?
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